5 Love Languages - Physical Touch - Lesson 5
As we discuss the last love language, physical touch, (sorry I am not going to do acts of service as I was on a mission trip to Brazil that week) let me do a quick summary.
If we don't speak the love language of our spouse we are like these poor ESL students who are totally clueless to the message given because they don't speak the language. Those languages are Words of affirmation (encouraging them by focusing on their positive attributes in words, letters, texts, etc.), quality time (spending and giving complete attention often where they feel heard) , gift giving (tangible expressions that you thought about them during the day) , acts of service (doing things for them that are important to them), and lastly physical touch.
Jesus was the master of all of these and if we follow His example given in the Bible, with the Holy Spirit's help who is inside of all believers, we can speak these love languages fluently. We see his affirmation of Peter as he renamed him "The Rock" and His affirmation of Gideon as He called him "mighty warrior" in the midst of his fear and insecurity. We see in the book of Mark that the disciples were specifically chosen to spend time or be with Jesus. John 3:16 tells us Jesus gave His life for us, the gift that keeps on giving. We see Him showing the full extent of His love in John 13 by serving the disciples as He did not come to be served but to serve. Lastly, we see that the infinite God who is spirit, put on a body so that He could be touched and touch others. That is what the incarnation is. Jesus touched the leper who was unclean in physical and societal terms and healed him even though He could have done it without a touch. The deaf mute was healed by putting His fingers in his ears and touching his tongue even though He could have healed him without touching. The blind man was touched on the eyes and made to see even though God spoke eyes into existence without touching. The lame were made to walk and fevers were cast out with touch. This is extremely significant also when you consider that the Old Testament was all about not touching things. Even in the famous parable of the good Samaritan we see the priest and the Levite not helping the injured man possibly because of the warnings against touching and the mandatory decontamination protocols. This is why Paul says in Colossians 2
"Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." Jesus fulfilled the law and He took our uncleanness on Him so we can be touched!
Why is touch so important?
Lets get scientific for a bit. God made us with proprioceptors in our skin which sense touch. Even from birth, babies need touch. Studies show that preterm babies in the NICU that are frequently touched and held gain weight faster (even with the same number of calories) and have better developmental performance than babies who aren't touched. When you stimulate pressure receptors in the skin you lower stress hormones and release oxytocin (cuddle hormone) which enhances a sense of trust and attachment. Studies show that people who have 10 or more meaningful touches a day live longer. There is a whole branch of medicine dealing with massaging and treating pressure points. If someone is under stress you can often see them self-touching to relieve stress. Certain mannerisms seen in this situation are flipping of the hair, massaging the forehead, rubbing hands together, and stroking the neck. Couples that touch more show that they are satisfied with each other, but the true indicator of a healthy long term relationship is not how often you touch but how often your spouse touches you back in response to your touch. Couples get so familiar with each other's touches that studies show that 70% of the time they can distinguish between the following emotions conveyed only by touch - anger, fear, disgust, gratitude, sympathy, happiness, and sadness
Gary Chapman gives a good account of a couple named Maria and Joe who worked through the problems associated with not understanding this love language in the section headed "Marriage is not supposed to be this way".
Let me end by giving you a few assignments on touching.
1. Sit next to each other while watching TV
2. When you experience quality time, i.e. dates, shopping, movies - hold hands
3. Kiss spouse goodbye in the morning or give them a hug when they come in the door
4. Give them a massage
5. If your spouse is occupied with a project, go into the room and touch them, then leave
6. Pray together holding hands
7. Get a smaller bed - king size beds are terrible for touch!
