5 Love Languages - Words of Affirmation Lesson 2

     The first love language that we are going to talk about is Words of Affirmation.

           
   This is saying encouraging and affirming words intentionally to people to build them up, or in this context, to fill their love tank. Everyone needs these and as Christians we are to be encouragers to everyone, but certain people will feel unloved if they don't get a heavy dose of this while others will do fine as long as they receive love in other languages. Who needs these words more than any others? First of all, men probably more than women because men see themselves as heroes, warriors, leaders who have a need in their lives for significance. This is why wives are commanded in the Bible to honor their husbands. Watch two men affirming each other in the following funny but dated SNL video below
                     https://screen.yahoo.com/daily-affirmation-michael-jordan-000000862.html

   The other subset of people that need affirming specifically is people raised by negative parents and mentors who could never "do anything right" in their parent's eyes. If you recognize this form of parenting of your spouse be sensitive to their needs for positive feedback. If you are having problems thinking of words to say or not really understanding what we are talking about, here are some links to go to. It is funny if you read these to men they will nod and agree. If you read them to women they will in general groan as if they are getting cheesy pickup lines. (try it out if you don't believe me) Thus the gender difference in love languages.

  http://matthewljacobson.com/2013/12/02/103-words-of-affirmation-every-husbands-wants-to-hear/
https://husbandrevolution.com/102-words-affirmation-every-wife-wants-hear/
http://matthewljacobson.com/2013/11/18/450/

    Gary Chapman gives a good example on pages 38 - 40 of Dan and his wife. She wants a room painted and she keeps nagging him to do it and he keeps putting it off. Dr. Chapman suggests that she compliments him on everything else he is doing. She goes away upset but tries it and in no time the room is painted. The author isn't the first person to try that. Look at Gideon in Judges 6. The Israelites were being oppressed by the Midianites as God's punishment for their sins. The Israelites cry out to God and He sends them a deliverer by the name of Gideon who needed affirming. Look at the following passage.

¹¹ The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. ¹² When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”
¹³ “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”
¹⁴ The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
¹⁵ “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”
¹⁶ The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”

  Picture the context. Here is Gideon throwing up the wheat into the air so the chaff will be blown away and the heavier kernel falling to the ground. Unfortunately he was doing it in a winepress so as not to be seen by the Midianites who would come steal the wheat. The problem with this is that there is no wind in a winepress. The Lord didn't say, "What are you doing - that will never work" or "Be a man you coward". He addressed him as a warrior who the Lord was with and a future victor. God affirmed him for what He saw in him rather than the external actions which were inconsistent with what God knew was inside him. These words of affirmation enabled him to deliver his people with a comparative hand full of warriors with God's help.
              Peter is another example. Peter, who always puts his foot in his mouth, forbids the Lord to go to the cross, and denies Christ to a teenage girl out of fear is renamed by Christ, "The Rock", and commissioned to be a future leader of the church.
           Jehu was in a group of officers and Elisha came in and took him into a room to speak with him. Elisha anointed him king and told him the great things he would accomplish. When Jehu came back in the other room, the officers asked him what that was all about. Jehu either out of embarrassment, fear, doubt, shock or for whatever reason said "oh, you know those old crazy eccentric guys, they say all kinds of stuff you can't believe." The officers insisted Jehu tell them and when he did they saddled up for the death spree shouting "Jehu is king!" Their affirmation of what they saw in him that he didn't even see in himself led him to be probably the greatest king of the northern kingdom.
            Lest we get the impression that women don't need affirmation, Gabriel referred to Mary as a favored one whom God is with. These words enabled her to go through a blessed but extremely difficult life that came with giving birth to the Son of God.

          As I said before, encouraging isn't just for marriage. We as believers should be known for our encouraging words and seeing the best in people who are all loved by God and made in the image of God. At work, at home, at church, at our hobbies, the cashier, the waiters and waitresses, the bank tellers, everyone we come in contact with need words of affirmation and if we are an affirming person they will see a difference in us because the rest of the world is too worried about themselves to be thinking about building up strangers.

¹³ But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Heb. 3:13

    If we look at the above verse as it pertains to marriage we get a few Biblical principles as it pertains to words of affirmation. First of all we have the word encourage which literally means to give a person courage. Our words of affirmation will give our spouses courage to face all their challenges of life head on with the boldness we need in this world that wants to beat us down; Boldness to say no to temptations, to accept rejection and failure, to witness for Christ, to handle illness, and even not to let jerks get under your skin. Secondly, we need it daily. They say it takes 100 positive words to overcome one negative so saying nice things on Birthdays, Anniversaries, Christmas, and Mother's Day isn't going to cut it. So do it every day that is called "today". Third, we see the word hardened and it makes me think of people going to marital counseling and one partner wants to go and the other one sits there hardened. They have already made up their minds that they are done - they may already have plan B in process. Daily words of affirmation can keep that from happening because lastly sin's deceitfulness tells us, "there is someone out there who will appreciate you more than your spouse."In fact the "in-love" experience through which affairs start are blind to flaws. They only see positives and thus daily words of affirmation are essentials for affair-proofing your marriage especially if this is the language your spouse speaks.

       Assignment for this week;
          1. Share  with your spouse one instance in your life where someone has said an affirming word to you and it impacted your future
          2. Say one positive thing to your spouse every day and/or text affirmation
          3. Compliment all your co-workers
          4. Say something positive to your child(ren) every night before you go to bed