Thoughts From Ephesians 6 - Part 1

  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.  Eph. 6:4

           When I think of exasperating your kids, I think of this clip of Anthony Perkins playing Jimmy Piersall in the 1957 movie Fear Strikes Out where he hits an inside the park homerun and climbs the backstop screaming at his dad played by Carl Malden, "Is that good enough, is that good enough?" Fear Strikes Out - Jimmy Piersall meltdown

       Most other versions besides the NIV translate "exasperate" as "provoke your children to wrath." The Greek word is paraorgizo - para meaning moving toward the point of and orgizo meaning anger, irritation resentment or rage.

       It makes me wonder why Paul relates this to this relationship of fathers to sons. Why not husbands and wives and vice-versa? My wife, after 46 years of knowing each other knows exactly which buttons to push to make me respond in a sinful way and I know her buttons. Fathers, do you know your children well enough to know what triggers them? Might I suggest a few. First, expecting them to excel at areas they aren't gifted in. Second, which is probably related to the first, wanting them to have the same interests as you. Third, which is probably related to the first two, wanting them to succeed in areas you did or didn't quite succeed in. These are easy areas to self-evaluate or have others help you see what you are doing.

     The area where it's hard is when you know your child is under-achieving due to personality flaws like lack of self-discipline or laziness. When you have to keep calling them out on these it's easy to provoke them to anger. Let's say a child has been playing video games for an hour and has schoolwork to do. A good way to provoke them into a sinful response is to turn off the game or say, "stop right now!" Dads, don't you know that they were in the middle of a game or achieving heights they have never reached before and you are ruining it? Rather say, "after this round" or "in 5 minutes I want you to quit". Another wrong thing to say would be, "I wish you were as good at school as you are on the Play Station."

      Another way to provoke them to anger or exasperate them is to focus on shortcomings rather than praise them for accomplishments. I remember telling my dad that I witnessed to someone, and he told me what I should have said. I was thinking, "Aren't you proud of me for witnessing?" Or mowing the lawn and telling me that I didn't get close enough to the trees rather than complimenting me for mowing and how good it looked. Maybe I'm just doing self-analysis, but I've made it a point to always overcompensate on praising - at least I think I have. Fathers, children want you to be proud of them and make sure they know that you are.

      Parenting is difficult but when your child grows up to be a well-adjusted adult who is following Jesus and raising a Godly family, there's nothing better!

        

Thoughts From Ephesians 5 - Part 4

  Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing  her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Eph.5:21-6:3

             How do I become a man that my wife will respect and submit to? First, I cannot be a person that is self-centered. If I act like I'm superior to everyone and put my needs above everyone else's, that kind of man is demanding rather than commanding respect. Verse 22 says that I should revere Christ or live under submission to Christ. What did He do? Phil.2 says that He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped or pursued. In other words, even though He was equal to the Father, He willingly said, "not my will but yours be done." Therefore, I too, even though I'm equal to everyone by nature of our common creation by God, submit to the requests of others rather than demanding my own way. Men, do we always demand our own way when it comes to eating out, watching shows on TV, activities on weekends, vacation destinations, surplus spending, etc.? How about letting others make choices. That's not a sign of weakness but rather meekness which is a trait worthy of respect. I know so many guys who struggle financially and the first windfall they get they go out and buy the truck of their dreams. That's not love and that's not worthy of respect.

        Secondly is to be the spiritual leader in my house. Am I concerned about my wife's spiritual growth? This starts before marriage. If you have sex with your wife before marriage violating God's word, how do you expect her to follow you spiritually when she already knows you only follow God's word when it suits you? Is she the one pushing you and the family to go to church? To do devotions before bed? Do you want respect - then take charge of the family's spiritual growth.

          Lastly, have you truly "left" your parents and set up your own life with your wife. I'm not saying to abandon them or not honor, listen to, or care for them in their aging years but rather I'm saying are you still relying on them for decision making and or finances? Have you left behind the baggage of birth order and are you forging ahead as an adult breaking the chains of your family's idiosyncrasies? Don't project your undealt with anger with your birth family onto your wife and kids. Leave all that behind and start fresh with a new family knowing that you get a chance to do it right. Your wife will respect you for it.