Thoughts From Ephesians 6 - Part 1

  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.  Eph. 6:4

           When I think of exasperating your kids, I think of this clip of Anthony Perkins playing Jimmy Piersall in the 1957 movie Fear Strikes Out where he hits an inside the park homerun and climbs the backstop screaming at his dad played by Carl Malden, "Is that good enough, is that good enough?" Fear Strikes Out - Jimmy Piersall meltdown

       Most other versions besides the NIV translate "exasperate" as "provoke your children to wrath." The Greek word is paraorgizo - para meaning moving toward the point of and orgizo meaning anger, irritation resentment or rage.

       It makes me wonder why Paul relates this to this relationship of fathers to sons. Why not husbands and wives and vice-versa? My wife, after 46 years of knowing each other knows exactly which buttons to push to make me respond in a sinful way and I know her buttons. Fathers, do you know your children well enough to know what triggers them? Might I suggest a few. First, expecting them to excel at areas they aren't gifted in. Second, which is probably related to the first, wanting them to have the same interests as you. Third, which is probably related to the first two, wanting them to succeed in areas you did or didn't quite succeed in. These are easy areas to self-evaluate or have others help you see what you are doing.

     The area where it's hard is when you know your child is under-achieving due to personality flaws like lack of self-discipline or laziness. When you have to keep calling them out on these it's easy to provoke them to anger. Let's say a child has been playing video games for an hour and has schoolwork to do. A good way to provoke them into a sinful response is to turn off the game or say, "stop right now!" Dads, don't you know that they were in the middle of a game or achieving heights they have never reached before and you are ruining it? Rather say, "after this round" or "in 5 minutes I want you to quit". Another wrong thing to say would be, "I wish you were as good at school as you are on the Play Station."

      Another way to provoke them to anger or exasperate them is to focus on shortcomings rather than praise them for accomplishments. I remember telling my dad that I witnessed to someone, and he told me what I should have said. I was thinking, "Aren't you proud of me for witnessing?" Or mowing the lawn and telling me that I didn't get close enough to the trees rather than complimenting me for mowing and how good it looked. Maybe I'm just doing self-analysis, but I've made it a point to always overcompensate on praising - at least I think I have. Fathers, children want you to be proud of them and make sure they know that you are.

      Parenting is difficult but when your child grows up to be a well-adjusted adult who is following Jesus and raising a Godly family, there's nothing better!