How NOT to be a Good Father - Biblical "Parenting"

       I was once asked to give a talk to a men's Bible study group on "How To Be A Good Father" from the Bible. I thought, "This should be easy, I will just take an example of a good father from the Bible and do a character study and show what he did right. The problem is I couldn't find any! Actually, Jacob was so bad, I finally decided to change my talk to "How Not To Be A Good Father - A Study On Jacob". Here are some of the conclusions I came to.
       First of all, Jacob had multiple wives or if you are non mormon (just kidding), you could equate it today to multiple sexual partners or divorces. So many sins that we men do, we model to our children and they do the same things. Sometimes I think our children don't even need to see us do them but it is some kind of generational curse. I think of things I did in High School that I see my kids doing and those sins have long been buried. Genesis is replete with examples of generational sins from lying (Abraham - "she's not my wife" to Isaac -"She's not my wife") to deceit (Jacob - hairy arms to 10 sons - multicolored coat dipped in blood) among others that I find it not surprising that since Jacob had multiple partners, his sons did too. Guys, do you want your kids to have a great relationship with one woman for the rest of their lives? Stay pure. Love your wife. Stay married!
              Malachi 2:15
Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

       Secondly, and the next few all relate to male/female relations, Jacob didn't press on his sons the necessity of marrying Godly women - well at least believers. We see Judah marrying a Caananite woman and then having sex with what he thought was a shrine prostitute. At least his father and mother (Isaac and Rebekkah) had the sense to send Jacob out of the worldliness they lived in to find a "Godly"wife.
              Genesis 27:46
Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”
             or in the New Testament
             2 Corinthians 6:14-15

 ¹⁴ Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ¹⁵ What harmony is there between Christ and Belial^[a]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

Men, are you letting your kids date unbelievers? Or do you even know who your kids are dating? If you ask your kids, "Is he/she a Christian?" and they give the following answers, "I think so", "We haven't discussed it yet", "He/she doesn't drink", "He/She goes to church", you probably haven't monitored the situational well enough and frankly haven't trained your kids well enough or if you have, your kids are in willful rebellion. Sound harsh?  This is a matter of spiritual life and death.

           Thirdly - Be a man! Model manliness to your boys and girls. Help your boys identify with a good gender model. Help your girls know what a real man looks like. Jacob was bossed around by his wives. He even was told who to have sex with when Leah and Rachel negotiated over mandrakes. Thats how Isaachar came into being. Imagine Isaachar going through life - "Hey, aren't you the mandrake guy"? We are commanded to be the leader and spiritual leader of our families. In fact, part of the original curse of sin is..."Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Gen 3:16b which many people think means that there will always be the battle for leadership in a marriage due to our sin. Men, be strong Godly leaders as modeled in Eph.5.

          Fourth - Jacob put his family in a worldly environment. He settled near the city of Shechem and subsequently his daughter Dinah was raped.Where are you living? Are you in a spiritually dangerous place for your kids? Are you in a spiritually unsafe church for your kids? Are your kids in a spiritually unsafe school? You might say, "Well, it's good for business" or "It's too expensive to move" or "I like the pastor here even if there is no youth group". Have you ever thought how serious it is to raise Godly kids? If my 4 kids rejected Christ I would feel so guilty for even bringing them into this world knowing that they will be spending an eternity in Hell. It would have been better to have been "barren". Do you think that way? You need to be like Lot , pulling his family out of Sodom after he got them in there.

          Fifth - Don't strive for peace rather than purity. Jacob was going to let Shechem treat his daughter like a prostitute to keep peace rather than dealing with the problem like Simeon and Levi (the foreskin guys) did. And when Reuben slept with Bildad there is no evidence of Jacob dealing with it. Deal with problems when they come up. Sometimes we are afraid to deal with sin and rebellion in our kids because we want them to be our friends. We don't want tension in the house. Man up! Be like Barney Fife and nip it!
            Galatians 5:9“A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”

         Sixth - Don't play favorites. From the coat of many colors to the order that he lined up his kids when they met Esau, Jacob was terrible at this. Hopefully it won't cause your kids to murder each other but hatred, resentment, jealousy, acting out to get love, inferiority complexes are certain. If you want an environment conducive to brotherly love and spiritual growth you have to love your kids the same and accept their uniqueness as special creations of God for a special purpose. Sure we might like football better than choir but your kids can't identify what they do with who they are and choosing one over the other because of that will thwart their pursuit to find their identity in Christ.

         Seventh - Don't be a whiner. A recent book which researched contemporary world changing Christians, studied what their parents did right to raise such Godly kids. The one common denominator was that these families laughed together. They clowned around. They had fun. They exhibited joy. I don't see one joyful moment in Jacob's life. When Jacob met Pharoah, here is how he described his life...
After Jacob blessed^[a] Pharaoh, ⁸ Pharaoh asked him, “How old are you?”
 ⁹ And Jacob said to Pharaoh, “The years of my pilgrimage are a hundred and thirty. My years have been few and difficult, and they do not equal the years of the pilgrimage of my fathers.” Gen 47:8,9 What a whiner!
In at least 7 passages prior to his death, Jacob refers to himself dying, some of them at least 20 years before it happens. He was Eeyore mixed with Fred Sanford! How about us? Jesus says,
                                Matthew 9:15

 ¹⁵ Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.
 We have Jesus not only with us but in us. This is not the time to be somber; this is the time to be celebrating. Have fun with your kids. Let them know that everyday is a great day when you know Jesus - just some are better than others.

             Lastly - don't be self centered like Jacob. His whole life was engrossed in his woes. In fact he was so clueless about how much the brothers hated Joseph, he sent Joseph out alone to check on them. His prayers were centered on himself ...
Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear ²¹ so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the LORD^[f] will be my God ²² and^[g] this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”Gen 28:20-22 (count the "I's, "me's", and "my's")
blessings were centered on himself ...
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” Gen.32:26
danger to family was centered on himself. When Simeon is taken captive and the Egyptians want Benjamin, what does he say but "everything is against me." (Gen 42:36) And then if something happens to Benjamin he fears he himself will die.

         Are we so concerned about our own selves that we would leave or cheat on our spouse? Are we so concerned about our own peace, calm, status quo that we don't want to deal with marital conflicts or children's sins or dating relationships? Are we so concerned with our success, future, and comfort that we won't move to protect our kids or change churches for our kids growth? Are we so concerned with this life and the temporary pains we are going through that we forget to point our kids to their awesome eternal destiny and that life on this Earth is but a vapor? Are we so consumed with our work ,toys , or entertainment that we are becoming clueless to what is going on in our kids' lives or getting more involved with the kids who do activities that fulfill us? If the answer is yes .... don't be surprised if you raise 10 rotten kids. Harsh, but true.